The Bitch

On the bus to Halong Bay in Vietnam, not long ago

Tourguide: [calls my name]

Me: Yes, here. [raises hand]

Tourguide looks at me and The Bitch, then looks down at his clipboard, then looks at me and The Bitch again

Tourguide: [points at both of us] Double bed? [raises eyebrow] Twin, yes?

Me: No, double bed.

Tourguide: Oh, now winter, very cold. *puts his arms to his chest demonstrating a shiver, explaining to all the other people on the bus that winter must be the reason why two women would want to huddle together in a double bed instead of sleeping in separate twin beds.*

Me: [laughs sheepishly]

—————-

Back in Singapore during the Chinese New Year Period, recent

My brother got attached (like what, 3 months?!) and my parents started to shift their “why are you not attached yet” concerns to me.

Mother: So, you in Shanghai got boyfriend or not?

Me: Errrr…

Mother: You need to start looking already you know.

Me: Still early wad. You guys also married when you were in your 30s.

Father: That’s why we regret and hope you will marry earlier. See now so old and ?????? (don’t have grandchildren).

Mother: Now you start looking, then also takes time, so by that time also in your 30s already.

Father: [The Bitch] also not married ah?

Me: No.

Father: So you influenced by her?

Me: Huh? No.

Father: Are you still in contact with (my previous ex girlfriend, very butch and raised my parents’ suspicions in the past)?

Me: Not really.

Father: [looking relieved] Then what about (the only guy friend they’ve seen me with in my Shanghai years)? Got meet him?

Me: Err, no.

————-

In Singapore, several years ago

Mother in an email, when a Canadian friend wanted to crash at my place in Singapore: But she and you can’t sleep on the same bed.  Either one of you have to sleep on the floor.  It is very unhealthy for both of you to sleep on a bed meant for one person.  Remember this wherever you are.  Your friend [previous ex] also should not sleep together with you on your bed.  Your bed is too small for two persons.

————

Can you tell if my parents know? Or maybe they’re just very… concerned about my affinity with older, single women. And their “influence” on me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come out to my parents. And as the years go by, it doesn’t get easier. I’m of what they call the “marriageable age” and the parents have started to make sure I’m aware of it.

My father was especially wary of my closeness with my previous ex. When he saw how butch she was he went “Does she always dress like that? Do you know people like her target girls like you to make love? People like her are ?? (perverse), they will kill the girl and chop them up into pieces. Newspapers always say so.” No thanks to Singapore media for painting horrific images of “people like her”.

There’s no one I can really count on as a “role model” as to how it should or can be done. Sure, there’s the awe inspiring Ellen DeGeneres who has made it all work out (with an amazing wife, may I add), but that’s pretty far removed from the reality of my very Asian, very traditional parents and lifestyle. I still watch YouTube videos of Ellen and Portia once in a while though, because I always get a “feel good” sensation after. It gives me hope, that one day…maybe me too? I actually have a gay Uncle-in-law — my mother’s brother’s wife’s brother, who is supposed to help alleviate the negative impressions the family has of homosexual people, but unfortunately for me he has more of a promiscuous lifestyle that the family frowns upon. Having this gay Uncle-in-law has created more of a bane than a boon for me, as it’s even harder for me to erase the negativity the family feels for homosexuals after what they’ve seen and heard of him. Not all visibility is good. So it may be up to me to set the precedence in my family and extended family to prove that a gay person can have a very happy, healthy, “normal” life. Can I fill such big shoes? Or I could continue hiding behind the image of a soon-to-be spinster, the “left on the shelf” auntie who won’t be giving out red packets during Chinese New Year, nor bring any boyfriends (nor girlfriends unless I come out to them) during family events.

And that eats me from inside, really. That my cousin can bring his girlfriend, my brother is bugged to bring his girlfriend, while here I am happily attached but not able to share this part of my life with my family. I can’t flaunt my relationship status like everyone else, nor can I place lovey dovey pictures of The Bitch and I on Facebook. I can’t bear to leave the nest I’ve built with The Bitch in Shanghai, as it can’t be replicated back in Singapore when there’re just too many family obligations and questions.

I came out to my boss within the first three months of working with him, and I really appreciate how he treats it like it was the most normal thing in the world. With sensitivity of course, by not announcing it to the entire office. I’m out to most friends, and I’m glad they’ve been accepting of it and it’s already so normalized now. I also have more friends who are gay and forming social groups with them have done a lot for the soul.

What happened on the bus to Halong Bay, if it had been several years ago I might have been more vocal about the reality of my relationship. I used to want people to know, and then when they reacted negatively I would brave it out and tell them otherwise. But then I got tired of all the backfire so I stopped being so “out”. I have my own private life and it doesn’t matter what others think about it anymore.

But like they say about baby steps, I thought I’d step up a little to do this. Tell the world wide web today, tell the family one day.

How do you say it though? How do you break the news to the father who makes a long-distance call to you from time to time and goes on at length about the TCM remedies he’s working on to extend his life “so that [he] can see [me] get married and have kids”?

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I stopped playing Tiny Zoo. Just lost interest somewhat.

The Bitch has found another game to keep her entertained while we wait for our meals at restaurants, after she finishes her meal, and before bed.

Picture this. We go to a nice restaurant near The Bund for dinner. I wanted to celebrate — I got a pay raise. We look at the menu, we order. Then she picks up her iPhone and occupies herself — collecting cash from animals in Tiny Zoo; serving dishes and making new ones in Tiny Chef; and most recently, throwing out a fishing line and reeling in big fishes — while I sip on a glass of warm water, looking around in the restaurant at other patrons looking like they’re having a good time with their dinner companions. A couple of them look back at me with a faint smile of acknowledgment, and I think to myself: do they think of me as a lousy dinner companion to warrant such behavior from my own dinner companion? I take another sip from my glass, and dig in my little dinner bag for my own iPhone. I check emails, fiddle around a little bit in the iPhone menu at nothing in particular, while watching her give her iPhone all the attention it seems to need from her. I look out the window of the restaurant at people walking by and people across that street. “Hey, do you think that’s a gentleman’s club?” “Hmm? Yeah probably.” Well, a lame question deserves a lame answer I guess.

On a separate occasion, we enter a a nice wine shop with nice sofa seats. We select a 2006 Casa de la Ermita to enjoy. After we take our first sips, the iPhone is lifted from her side of the table and it’s the same story.

The iPhone has helped us be savvy, and connected. But sometimes, I’d really like iPhone-free time with her.

The Bitch and her iPhone

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Read how my (semi- angry) affair with Tiny Zoo started in Part 1.

The Bitch sent me an invitation to download Tiny Zoo so that she could get 10 Tiny Zoo bucks. Being the kind and helpful girlfriend that I am, I downloaded the game, wrote her name as the recruiter, so we both received 10 Tiny Zoo bucks. Ka-ching!

Now what should I do with these bucks? I started playing Tiny Zoo myself, it being the October Golden Week National Day holidays in China anyway.

There are so many cute animals to buy for my zoo. With papa bear and mama bear, I can breed 2 baby bears! When the whole family is complete, the animals animate when I touch them! And I can cross-breed Black Bears with African Elephants to get Woolly Mammoths! Misleading for the kids, but interesting way to create hybrid animals in Tiny Zoo. We can also create “Collections” of animals to unlock new animals as well as exclusive awards such as Tiny Zoo bucks and XP (experience) points. For example, the “Furry Friends” collection includes Bears, Chimps, Camels and Lions. Once I have complete families for these “Furry Friends”, I will be rewarded with 1 buck, 4016 XP and unlock a new animal!

Other than animals, I’ve also set up shops and decorations for my Tiny Zoo. It’s too soon to say whether my interest in this game will wane after the holidays, but I’ve already reached Level 17 in just 4 days!

But it’s a no-brainer fluffy game you say? Quite the contrary. Different animals provide you with different values. For instance, the Snow Leopard collects 1.5K coins and 300 xp every 5 hours and costs 9 bucks. The American Bison collects 5K coins and 400 xp every 20h and costs 4,999 coins. Which would you rather buy? Shops work pretty much the same way too. With the limited space in your zoo and if you’re on the quest to expand as quickly as you can, building a strategy is needed to get maximum returns from the animals and shops you purchase. It is a business simulation game afterall, with the Zoo being your business.

The Bitch chose to make her zoo as lucrative as possible, and has blocked out Zoo visitors (tiny people who come and look at your animals but contribute nothing) and made use of every acre of zoo land space to be money-making, be it shops or animals. I, on the other hand, feel happy when there are tiny people visiting my Zoo although they are absolutely useless to my business. I’ve built them gravel pathways to be able to view every animal and visit shops like Panda Gift Shop, Monkey Shop, and eat ice-cream at the Ice Cream Parlor.  Once I expand the zoo, I’ll build a children’s play area and make my Tiny Zoo look fun and more like a Zoo!

After all, I’m already too late to join in the “global” race like how The Bitch is (in the Top 5. GLOBALLY.).

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