Et tu, V?

May 28th, 2009 · 10 Comments · LBGT, MissY

Something happened about a month back between myself and a close friend, at a certain cafe in Shanghai at about midnight, which left me in complete ire. Instead of talking about it that very night and allowing the wound to fester thereafter, I’ve taken the liberty to let the anger wane with time, and place what happened that night in a different perspective.

With this overdue post, many irate thoughts have since dissipated. Which I hope allows my position to be one of objectivity.

As some of you know, my relationship with MissY has a definite expiration date. What was supposed to be this July upon graduation has since been shifted to an unknown date sometime next year. The end is inevitable and we knew it from the beginning, but here we are, happily together. Many cannot understand why we even fought hard for this, given a self-destructive ex on one side and a suicidal depressed “roommate” on the other. But we have emerged from some ugly past determined to be happy while we can, together preferably. Yes I’m digressing but essentially, what I’m trying to say is that nobody can be certain how long you and your partner can stay together, but you can be sure you want to stick it out with someone who makes you happy, so why not allow that happiness to stay in your life for as long as possible? In fact, the knowledge of an impending deadline has made us all the more glad we have the now. Would you have chosen to not have begun at all, and never get a taste of this bliss?

So anyway, this close friend of ours, being very concerned for my well-being, said to me one month ago: “Why don’t you go back to being normal? …live life like a common person…It is the proven right way…it is human’s duty to pass on generations…think about how you will hurt your parents’ feelings…you will feel more secure in the common path…”

If any of my friends reading this agree with her, please don’t ever, EVER, say such things to me. I withheld expletives and possibly a mental breakdown then, but I’m not sure if I can bear another stab like that. She cut me deep.

I argued with her point by point, and I believe my English that night was one of my most fluent occasions. I don’t think I need to repeat that conversation with her here, but I know our friendship, if it can still exist, will never be the same again.

I was appalled. I thought that after 3 years of solid friendship and all the things I told her in confidence meant she understood perfectly well. Obviously from what she said she hadn’t, and may never will, though I hope to change that. I could have heard those words from some acquaintance, someone I don’t care so much about, and I wouldn’t flinch an inch; but to hear it all spilling out from her mouth? I really thought she knew better than to spout such homophobic and bigoted critique.

There is simply no “proven right way” of living, loving, or anything. There probably isn’t a “right thing to do” either. We are all captives of what we have created with our own minds and misconstrued judgements, and if you do use your brain you would know better than to trust them. Sometimes categories/classifications that carry negative connotations make us prone to shunning it, not wanting to be associated with it in any way whatsoever for fear of the social eyes staring at you, pointing fingers and whispering. But if you would stand back and take a look, categories/classifications only serve to exclude, divide and subjugate. They are but human creations. Which means they are (extremely) fallible. So why do you want to let them rule your life?

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10 responses so far ↓

1 W // May 29, 2009 at 12:20 am

if there is anything that I admire you for, it is this.
2 Squareface // May 29, 2009 at 9:21 am

haha. so there’s really nothing else to admire me for eh?

thanks i think.
3 Connie // May 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

Love is love, whether straight or bent. Hahah. I love that saying. Bent.

Come back to Canada where life is slow and liberal.

No one eats all my food like you do

<3
4 Squareface // May 29, 2009 at 11:04 am

I taught u that word!

I still remember the not-so-subtle way you tried to get it out of me hahaha

tempting, but i’ll stay around in asia to see if i can enlighten more ignorant creeps first. when my youthful patience (or stupidity) has run out, i may very well take up ur offer.

by then, be sure to have all the food ready

<3 <3 (the food)
5 :) // May 29, 2009 at 11:23 pm

i admire you for this too. you’re brave. wish i was too.
6 squareface // May 30, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Hi

Brave I am not. I think I will never be able to find the courage to tell my parents.
7 Josephine // May 30, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Came across your blog by chance and I am impressed by your maturity of thought and forward looking-ness. I once had a girlfriend too but for fear of her parent’s disapproval,she parted with me. I wish she could read what you have written. If 2 people really love each other, they should be brave enough to overcome all odds together because they deserve each other and draw strength from each other. I wish you all the best in fighting for what you believe in and spreading your thoughts.
8 Squareface // May 31, 2009 at 1:05 am

Thanks Josephine. It’s very encouraging to see a comment like yours regarding something that occasionally challenges my sanity.

I’m sorry to hear about what happened, and I wonder if your girlfriend would come round? But as long as you two had a happy time together, maybe that’s all that matters now.

I’m actually with someone who cannot get past parents’ disapproval as well, and she would like to settle down eventually “the natural way”. As much as it may defy all that I believe in, I respect her choice. Besides, using the reason of living apart as the cause for future separation makes it easier to accept the eventual goodbye.

From being with her, it makes me realize that all that matters is being happy together now. Of course, when the expiry date comes, I may very well say a different thing.

Thank you once again, and all the best to you too.
9 W // May 31, 2009 at 1:16 am

As an eternal optimist, I believe that there is always a solution. No ocean is too deep to seperate two lovers, the glass isn’t half empty it’s half full, and if it is their destiny to love and be together, then the power of this genuine love will surmount every obstacle. Communication is also a very important factor in this cycle, people abandon the struggle of life so easily nowadays, be strong, defend what you believe in and be happy.
10 Squareface // May 31, 2009 at 11:31 am

It’s true that people abandon the struggle of life (and may I add, love) so easily nowadays. Maybe I’m guilty of this too.

I believe in giving it your all while you still can, so whatever the outcome later, it was good while it was. I was once too consumed with holding on to a fantasy about the future, and became blind to the now.

Be happy, now.