Squareface @ 31°North

There are some things I’m so glad to hear the last of, although they can be very entertaining (only to outsiders, probably). The following two incidents were related to me via MissY, therefore there may be slight differences due to interpretation or in the name of story-relating.

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Every semester, the police officers (not sure if that’s the term for them, but they wear the same uniform I think?) from Shanghai’s Exit-Entry Bureau come to the Foreign Student’s Dormitory (with the exception of 2007, but I was away anyway) to assist us in our residence permit applications. MissY, out of sheer frustration with the application procedures and cost (she has applied more than 8 times, thus handed in the same amount of ID photos of herself) decided to voice the incredulity. Sometimes we can’t believe how, for a lack of a better word, retarded they can be, or how retarded they think we are.

MissY:  Why is my residence permit only valid till 31 July when that’s less than 6 months from now? Why do I have to apply every half year and pay 400RMB each time? That’s so expensive! I paid only 800 for an American visa that is valid for TEN YEARS!

Police Officer: Your residence permit is given according to the dates the school provides, and it’s 400RMB for a permit within a year. 800 for an American visa? Impossible. You must be referring to US dollars. So if we do the calculations (does it in front of her), every year is about 500RMB! So you see, our Chinese residence permit is not expensive!

MissY: Then why do you keep needing a photo of me?

Police Officer 1: Because you grow prettier every year! Hahahahaha

Police Officer 2: You see, all you give us is a small photo, but we give you such a big piece of paper in your passport!

MissY: …

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MissY was in a meeting with the committee members from the various foreign students’ associations. From this semester, it is compulsory for all “self-supporting” students to purchase insurance. No insurance, no residence permit. So the insurance company came to give these student leaders a briefing on how the insurance works.

When it’s an EMERGENCY, instead of calling for the ambulance at 120, we are to call this person-in-charge’s number. Which by the way, will not get answered after he knocks off at 5pm, and during lunch hour. The eligible hospitals have a section for foreigners (!) but we are NOT to go there or else we will not be able to claim for anything.

MissY’s friend 1: Okay, so let’s say I’m dying right, and as I’m lying on the stretcher, I must make sure I tell the medics “不要带我去外病，带我去普通病!” (Don’t take me to the foreigners’ section, take me to the ordinary section!)

Such poignant last words, huh.

MissY’s friend 2: Make sure you’re only dying before 5pm, and avoid lunch hour too.

Insurance guy: We, at XYZ insurance, care a lot for you guys! Last year, one student was admitted to hospital after being unconscious. He was placed in 外病 ‘coz the medics found a foreign passport on him. I visited him the next day and the first thing I did was to transfer him to 普通病, and when he woke up I told him our insurance company will consider whether to pay for his night’s stay at the foreigner’s section. So you see, we really care a lot for you guys!

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Haha?