Do you always do things out of your own accord? ‘Coz sometimes I find myself doing things because I have a name to keep or a certain institution’s reputation to uphold.
Sometimes things really beg the question of what’s in a name.
Although in a highly-reputed government board of the country, I don’t really see how one can push for creativity or diversity when clicking on many intranet sites gets me the following message: “You have not enough rights for this application. Please login with a username and password which has sufficient rights…”. Moreover, sites like Fridae are banned because it deals with “gay and lesbian issues”, and all sites that “provide info on or cater to gay and lesbian lifestyles, including those supporting online shopping; but not sexually oriented or issue-oriented”. These sites are blocked, along with many other sites that are sensitive or are not in line with our government’s beliefs.
So working here may sound oh so wonderful and all but why would you want to work in a place where the very essence of your life is depicted so lowly, on par with all stereotyped vices and dregs of society.
Yes I know I have to live with this all my life (the victimization and partiality, not the job), but by being a civil servant and living a different “lifestyle” from what is preached, I think I cannot answer to myself.
It’s different from dragging myself out of the bed every morning to get to work even when I really want to sleep or be with Sam. The struggle in the morning gets combated when I think about how I cannot screw up this internship, maybe because I don’t want to be a bad example of Singaporeans from Fudan, or I just don’t want to give myself a bad name. You do notice that every job application form asks whether you have ever been dismissed from a government office.
But sometimes I hate the way names have such great effect on people. It’s really just an illusion. And I can’t believe I constantly succumb and get deceived by these misimpressions.
